Here’s a frightening scenario I’ve heard from parents: kids taking pictures or videos of classmates while they’re undressing in change rooms before gym glass or swimming. A few students think it would be funny to film their classmates, and so, within seconds, non-consensual images of naked or nearly naked kids are on multiple personal devices.
While it’s shocking that children would be allowed to take smartphones into school change rooms at all, I’m struck by the irony of the situation. These kids were likely given smartphones by their parents to keep them “safe,” and yet, those same devices were used to undermine the safety of their peers and even their own selves.The irresistible allure of the phone turned ordinary, goofy, prank-loving kids into purveyors of child pornography, while exposing their friends to a gross violation of privacy.
These kinds of incidents illustrate the huge disconnect between how parents think or want their kids to use smartphones and how kids actually use them. It shows, too, that even kids without devices are implicated by their presence.
The most common justification for giving kids smartphones is safety. A parent can communicate with their child and can determine their location, either by asking or tracking. They feel reassured knowing that the child can call if there is an emergency.
I don’t think anyone should always have a direct line to their child. It inhibits the process of gaining independence. But the bigger problem is that smartphones are exceedingly powerful forms of technology. They condense the entire world into a pocket and are designed for compulsive use.With that comes an enormous amount of risk.
If “stranger danger” has ever been a concern, then steer clear of smartphones, which allow more strangers access to your child than any number they could meet in real life. According to Cybertip.ca, Canada’s national tip line for reporting online sexual exploitation of children, reports of online sexual luring increased by 815 per cent between 2018 and 2022, from 220 to over 2,000 incidents. And one-quarter of parents reported having encountered inappropriate online behaviour aimed at their child.
Smartphones expose children to content that is far too mature for them, which can lead to emotional numbness, reduced empathy and self-esteem, normalization of violence and misogynistic behaviours, political radicalization, eating disorders, and profound loneliness.
The Internet is creepily ageless. This is the opposite of the real world, where age restrictions are enforced to protect children from exposure to sex, violence, and addictive substances. Smartphones circumvent age precautions. I once read that the right age to give your kid a smartphone is whenever you’re prepared to give them unlimited access to hard-core porn.
Smartphones make kids less alert to their surroundings. Handheld screens are a liability when crossing the street. Excessive phone use worsens one’s ability to read facial cues, which is an ancient human tactic for sensing danger; instead, we’re raising children with impaired character assessment skills. Ditch the phones, and those skills immediately improve.
It has been said that children need less protection in the real world and more protection in the online world. Withholding smartphones accomplishes both of those things. I believe kids are safer without smartphones, at least until age 16.
Parents who insist on communication can provide basic text-and-call devices. Or get comfortable with not being able to reach kids at all times. It’s rather liberating. I usually have a general idea of where my kids are, and I could track them down if necessary. But the most important thing is that they know where to find me.
I’m not saying you should ban your kids from computers or the internet. Nor am I saying you are wrong to want to communicate with them. But I do not think you should give them the entirety of the internet in their pockets, accessible every minute of the day, as an excuse for you to reach them.
Too often, being a good parent is synonymous with the anxiety of trying to anticipate every possible thing that could go wrong. This has led to kids being given devices in the name of safety that create a host of new dangers, both to themselves and, as shown in the change room incident, others as well. We parents would be wise to re-evaluate what it means to be safe in the world today, and to err on the side of the caution when it comes to technological solutions that probably are too good to be true.
Katherine Johnson Martinko is a Canadian writer and the author of the 2023 book Childhood Unplugged: Practical Advice to Get Kids Off Screens and Find Balance. She writes about digital minimalism, parenting and technology in her e-mail newsletter, The Analog Family.
